Can't stand.

People say that life is full of ups and downs. But it seems like mine is always down. Since the beginning there is no ups and only downs. Why is that so? Can anyone answer me? I just can't stand it anymore. What have I done wrong in the past to deserve this punishment? Sometimes I just feel like giving up as what 'they' did. Leaving things behind and move on without 'him'. But what can I do after that? Without financial ability I am no where near there. How long do I need to do this before it all ends once and for all? If there is doomsday, can someone make it happen tomorrow? I'm so tired of all these shit. Sorry to say but i really wish that 'you' are somewhere far away. Stay and never come back. Oh Lord please answer my prayers. I really need some help here.



For those who are reading, please don't get me wrong. I have no intentions to create an atnosphere so intensed. Hope you'll understand. Everyone has their own problems and is different from others.



* Congratulations for being one of the finalists. Hope you can win it. You have all my support and sorry for not being able to be there.*

Holiday.

It's finally holiday. Don't know whether it is good or bad. It's kinda boring to hav too long holidays sometimes.



Nway thx CC for bringing us to Klang on Friday. Went to a cafe (not sure what was the name) where they have on stage performance.The guy singer was very good. Was it Eric? Hmm.. No one was sure what is his name. But nvm. Friends out there, I just want to say another time that I'm not GAY. I'm jus BI!! hahahaha... After the cafe we went to have supper. Ordered fried mee hoon. lala(i wonder was it from klang river. hehe..) and 'lai liu har'. Was not bad. Then we came straight bak to kl.



On Saturday, I went Karaoke for the second time (yar, it's true). This time with Viv again and a few other friends. After that Viv me n CJ met up with LC in Mid Valley and brought then for steamboat somewhere in Cheras. Had quite a long dinner. Lasted a few hours. Easily one of the longest dinner i've ever had. After dinner they wanted to go Little Genting so we went yam cha somewhere there. They went bak after yam cha-ing and i joined my friends in Asia Cafe for a few rounds of pool.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are some things that is very clear to the public and yet one can't show it. At this point, there is nothing one can do but to wait for the right timing to do the right thing. There might even be no chances to for one to do the thing that is right. Factors all around come and go. Things changes as humans do.

Sitting just inches away and yet not talking. Pretending that the atmosphere is not tensed at all. Shifting places from side to front only makes matters worse. Again looking but not doing anything. Didn't know something like this could actually happen. Of all the time why must it be then.



Keep on saying that i'm sad or worse, depressed, I just want to say it once again, I might be kinda abnormal at times but actually okay. Nothing is wrong and there are no depression involved. Things might have changed but i am still me. The smile that you see on me is real and not a fake to cover my sadness. The sudden change in my emtions today is just due to the lack of rest. Just don't worry. I still can cope with the changes that is going on. However i just wanna say thank you for your concern. :)

What is it?

What is it that is actually going on?
Am I invisible to you now?
Why is my work being done by others?
Am I no better than them?
It's mine and why do you have to take it from me?
Are you just being caring or you just don't need me anymore?
Lately i've found out that i'm actually way behind people. I didn't know things that i should know. 'LOST' is the best word to describe. Going without knowing what is waiting for me. The ones that aren't suppose are closer now as suppose to the ones that should be. Spaces are getting 'larger'. The gap in between is filled with nothing but plain air and yet we are far apart.

Looking but not doing anything does not feel nice. But what can I do? Lights are flashing all over you with lenses aiming at you. However you've changed or maybe it's me. You seemed different. If that is what you want, just go ahead. I will be there supporting you even if i'm not beside you. I'm sorry for what I am doing but I can't help it. Maybe it's a guy's thing to turn around when something unwanted happens.

Sleepy me.

Somehow today I was just so sleepy. Just felt like sleeping in the class. Was in college from 8-5. It's been a long time since i have long classes like that. Pure Maths was damn confusing. Hate intergration!! Don't even mention Stats. Today was the 1st class after such a long exam month. My mind was just so damn blur. Everything seemed confusing. Guess i just need time to refresh some of the bits. Law is kinda interesting. Finally an interesting subject. Started Contract Law. He's kinda serious nowadays in class. Less time wasting bull shits, though there are still some. But it's kinda funny going to law class. learnt a new phrase tat kinda make sense. 'It is what that is being heard that is important and not what that is being said'.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I thought somehow that during this time of exam i've let go some of the things that i should have. But things aren't going this way. It's not that i'm trying to avoid you but there is something in my mind that keeps me away from you. I so wish that i could just act like nothing has happened and just walk up to you to say whatever i have to say but i just can't. Everything still feels the same when i saw you. It all just come rushing back when your eyes were directly in contact with mine. Giving me the smile of yours makes me hate myself for not able to return back what i should. Wanted to give u a ride home but didn't ask with the fear of you turning me down. Silly me!! Time is what i need i guess.

Red Box

Was invited to join Vivien, Sammy, LC n CJ when i was in college yesterday. They wanted to go Red Box. Went straight to the curve after class at 1. Vivien n Sammy were at G 2000 choosing the right slacks for CJ. Waited for a while but me n Sam got reali hungry so we decided to go to have lunch 1st. While eating, Viv n CJ arrived. Their food took quite a long time so we, again, went to Red Box 1st as Viv booked it for 2 pm. Sam was reluctant to sing with the mic. I wonder why.Is she shy? hehe...



Not long after, Viv n CJ came in. Me n Viv sang the song Endless Love. Was so happy as that was the 1st sucessful duet I have done (as no one wants to sing with me especially when it comes to the whole song). LC came not long after and Sam left soon. LC kept on choosing songs for me but she herself was not singing!! Finally i got addicted to it and didn't want to leave until they cut the song list. We were suppose to check out at 5 pm but and up we checked out at 7 pm. haha...

Bak Kut Teh

Woke up 8.30 am yesterday just to go pick up Sammy, LC, Jox n Shae to have lunch. Our class starts at 2 on Wednesday. What a coincidence. Nway, saw CJ's car is still at home when i woke up. So decided to call him n ask whether is he at home. He is!! Lazy bum!! He's suppose to be having class at that time. So asked him to get ready n follow me to HELP. We reached there around 10 am. Decided to go 1U at first. As we were passing the main block of HELP, Shae n LC started fighting. LC wants to drive her own car n Shae wants her to stay in my car. LC wants to turn right n Shae wants left. In the end i took the centre lane which brought us another round. Thx ya'll. :P The second round i took the right turn to the car park to get LC's car. We all went into her car as CJ wants to use my car to pick his cousin sister to 1U.



Instead of 1U, we went to Sri Pentas to collect tix to some upfront party at Zouk. Me, Sam n LC went up to 8TV. They were suppose to impersonate a person who is not there. It was kinda funny as we dun even noe what is the programme. Nway the girl asked us to go back at 3. So we went to LC's hse to get Sam's present. It was for Don for their 1st month. Aww.. How sweet.. I wish i could have that. hehe.. LC didn't want me n Shae to go down. Wanted to say hi to Platypus but couldn't. Sad. They came out with Vitagens with only 1 white one. Was fightting for it with Shae but lost. Can u imagine? I lost to a girl. Left Sam bak at HELP. Went to MC to pick Vivian after that. CJ was already there. Then we went Subang to hav Bak Kut Teh. I called Tze Hoe out to join us. He rushed bak soon after as he was still having his class when he came out. OMG.



Went bak to Sri Pentas to collect the tix and this time we manage to get it with Jox being Daphne. The we went separate ways. Went back to college and it was already about 2.20 pm. Skipped math class and went to Economics at 3. Suppose to be a 2 hour class but ended even before 4 pm. I told CJ that i'm picking him up at 5 pm so i went yam cha with Razif. Called CJ later and he told me that he, LC n Viv were at Bangsar so i went there to meet up with them. Had ice-cream at Baskin Robins. Went back to the car and decide what to do next. CJ n LC don't want to go back 1st as it is sure gonna jam. So we spent more than an hour of crazy-ness in cluding dancing in the rain n jogging( LC & Viv), cubbing in the car (though the sound was not as nice). After all that we finally went bak. CJ drove as i was damn tired. Reached home at about 9 pm. Got a headache and flu (guess it's bcos of the dance in the rain with Viv). Therefore decided not to go Zouk and gave the tix to my friends (what a waste).




Shae: Don't kill me ya!! hehe.. The next time we go to LC's house, it's my turn to take the white Vitagen k? Hope you're having fun with your bro. ;)
Viv: Just wanna tell not to be so sad. Though i dunno what is going on but i will be there if u need me.
LC: Just say hi to Platypus for me. :P